x.x"

College Girl

Wow! I've finally reached the point of going to college! I'm super excited... Been grounded for a month, but it's not that bad.. If anything, it's served its purpose.. Thinkin gabout how my aunt feels/felt, and how my relationships have been so constant though situations have changed... it helped. -sigh- Opening up to my aunt again took me a while. I just feel like the high school drama isn't really worth talking about it. It hardly means anything to me..But filling her in about who my friends are matters, and I'm starting it. It'd be easier if my friends actually came by of course. So whenever someone happens to be dropping me off or something and she's home, I ask them to stop by. So far it's only been Paul because I know him well enough, and he takes me to church on her day off [Sunday]. It was just. "hey, this is paul. Paul, my aunt Nikki." and.. then she got a phone call and went up stairs.. lol. sigh sigh. I filled her in on who he is and how we're friends.
    I still get to go to prom. Not sure about Toga, and not sure I really wanna go to Toga.. i do becasue it's the last dance, but i don't because i don't know who i'd go with. -sigh- i can't wait to walk across the stage and get my dang diploma.
   So Bryant ims me one day and just... apologizes. I asked him for what, and he spills on about how he's been thinking about his life, and how he's been taking advantae of things and what not. And so he apoloized about blowing me off and not really being there for me, when he knows [thinks rather..] that i probably went out of my way to hang out with him.
   I didn't go out of my way at all.. rotfl. I just wanted to go somewhere other than home [I donm't feel this way anymore.. being at home is relaxing. I definitely don't get any work done though :X] I was really touched and what not, but I realize that he's just a friend. not a big brother.. heck, not even a good friend at the least.. and I'm glad I decided to stop talking to him, and that it gave him some time to think about things, etc.
        I think the only thing i'm really bummed out is about not being able to go out with the college friends that were on spring break. The concerts and school plays are whatever.. though i did waste money for both. x.x"
   I'm going to prom with Will! :] I'm so excited! And more excited that my parents approved, etc. That's the brief update.. now for a nap and to study/read for AP gov and psych

Booty bumpin' friends

Show Us a Smile 2 Brickfish

Who are you

    Who are you? Reading my entries, and telling them I'm a whore? Are you doing it to hurt me or to help me? I want to thank you at one point, becuase I saw things, for a little while in color.. I saw the big picture, for a little while. I don't know why things have gone back to being black and white, but that's what it is. But I also want to let you know that you're an annoying S.O.B. If you had something to say, or thought that I did something wrong, why didn't you come talk to me about it? Why didn't you say, "Hey, I don't think that's going to help your situation. Maybe you should just tell them the truth and sort things out".
   If you cared, you would've done that, instead of causing this crisis and mayhem.

F.Y.I. I dress nicely for myself. I need to impress no one, but myself. It isn't something that I try hard to do. I wear whatever fits my mood. I am not a whore. I am not a slut. I have girlfriends who will surely agree that guy friends are a lot easier to be around because they're not dramatic. There aren't any hidden messages behind their words. You don't have to worry about being EXTRA considerate and EXTRA careful of what you say, because guys won't take it up the ass. I love my girlfriends, but they're busy. We go out and have fun when they have time for me, and when I have time for them.

It's hard for me to open up and trust my peers because I've ben ostracized by them more than once, and it hurts. I've been living in the fear of getting hurt again, but I realize.. With every relationship, you're bound to get hurt. It happens. I'm willing to accept the good and the bad to be happy. I will try to trust those that I think are worthy of trusting. It's a challenge I'm willing to take on. Not for you, not to prove you wrong, but for me. For my happiness.
   If you ever confront me about who you are, surely I'll forgive you. But you better have a fucken good reason for doing what you did. I know what I did was wrong. i'm sorry I lied. But that doesn't give you the right to go behind my back, spreading stupid ass rumors and shit. Just talk to me about it, and give me ur opinion, but don't go behind my back thinking that what you did was right.

    Xanga is something I use to vent.

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